FF VII: Fun With Cloud's Nail Bat!

[icelightning]

This was written as a result of a discussion between me and iapetusneume over the fact one of Cloud's weapons... is a nail bat. It was 2:30-3am at the time, cue the craziness.

Aerith: *Opens up a chest in the City of the Ancients!*
Aerith: "Hey, look what I found!"
Aerith: *Waves it in the air for all to see.*
Vincent: "..."
Red XIII: "..."
Tifa: "..."
Cait Sith: "..."
Yuffie: "..."
Barret: "... The hell?!"
Cid: "...It's a fucking nail bat! Who the hell's weapon is that?!"
Cloud: "... Mine."
Aerith: "Thought so." *Hands it over.*
Tifa: *Facepalming goes here.*
Barret: "It doesn't even have a single damn materia slot! It's f'ing useless!"
Cloud: "...let's get this party started."
Cloud: *pwns everything*
Cloud: "I don't need no stinkin' materia!"
Yuffie: "Oh GAWD. Cloud's gone ghetto on us."
Vincent: "..."
Red XIII: "Better than gone Sephiroth on us."
Yuffie: "... But if he went Sephiroth, that'd be less annoying!"
Tifa: "We wouldn't be alive to suffer through it!"
Cid: "... But at least we'd be outta our misery."
Cloud: ".... You all suck."
Yuffie: "... You mean you don't?"
Cloud: "...."
Cloud: "......"
Cloud: "..........."
Cloud: *Nail Bats.*
Cait Sith: "Knew that was coming."
Barret: "Me too."
Vincent: "..."
Turks: *Watch from the distance.*
Reno: "Fuck that shit."
Rude: "...not you too."
Elena: *To Tseng.* "Sir! What should we do?"
Tseng: "......"
Tseng: "Smack Reno."
Elena: "Yes sir! *does so*"
Reno: "Fucking son of a-"
Rude: "What else did you expect?"
Reno: "....."
Tseng: *Calls the President.*
Tseng: "We have a situation." *explains*
Rufus: "... Have him deal with Sephiroth."
Sephiroth: "....don't bring me into this."

*Some time later, cue Forgotten City.*
Cloud: "... Sephiroth!!"
Sephiroth: "... Shit." *Calls up Jenova-LIFE. Cloud and co get down to fighting. JEL casts Reflect, causing massive damage when the group can't stop their spells in time. Only Cloud Remains Standing, because he needs no stinkin' materia.*
Cloud: "Reflect this, biotch!" *Nail bats.*
Jenova-LIFE: *pwned*
Sephiroth: "... Fuck that shit." *Flees*
Vincent: "..."
Everyone else: "..."
Aerith: *LIVES.*


... And I need to obviously get through more of the game before this continues.

Edit: For my own convenience, her version of the little script story is here, although it's friends-locked. She did most of the work with the Turks, though, although we both came up with the exact first-line for Reno.

Comments

[anko-kun.livejournal.com]

lol, I remember having it, but I don't remember if I used it at all much, haha.

Although I spent a whole summer in 97 getting a perfect file, so I must have it, lol.

[sweet-chii.livejournal.com]

Haha, wonderful. XD I love the nail bat, btw. Because seriously.. Cloud really DOESN'T need materia.